Not So Quiet Dinner Conversations

For more than three decades, I have said to my three, now very adult, children: "Lucky is the child who inherits "The Dictionary of Cultural Literacy."

Thirty years ago, I spent $24.95 on a pristine copy. It was a Christmas present to the family.

Today, the dictionary still exists, but in four pieces. It bears unmistakable red pasta sauce stains. Other stains are not so easily identified. It was one of the best purchases of my life.

I recently thought of that dictionary while reading a pleasantly engaging and sometimes humorous essay in the Wall Street Journal by Rahm Emanuel, titled "Lessons from Modern Parenthood." He introduces us to his family: " I am one of three brothers who each made an impact in their fields. I 'm now the father of three grown children who are poised to outdo their parents."

Mr. Emanuel notes that the question he is asked most frequently - more often than about being mayor of Chicago or White House chief of staff - is how the Emanuel family did it. With modesty, he acknowledges that mistakes were made, adolescence was somehow survived, and four guiding principles emerged.

The first - and perhaps the most important - is a tribute to his mother: meals matter. If you want to raise successful children, start with family meals. As it turns out, probably the more the better. He recalls that his mother insisted the family gather around a circular table with no head, so that everyone would feel an equal right to be heard.

The research agrees. The best review of family meals I could find came out of the United Kingdom in 2023. It examined six hundred articles and concluded: "This umbrella review has established that more frequent meals play a positive role in children and adolescent nutrition, weight status, risk behaviors, well-being and achievement."

Long before such reviews were published, I learned these lessons in my work. In 1981, in Milwaukee, I helped establish one of our country's early programs for the treatment of eating disorders. My colleagues and I shared this perspective with the parents with whom we worked: if you want children who are healthier, happier, and more likely to thrive - eat together.

The Machi family is not the Emanuel family, but the children my wife, Mary Elizabeth, and I raised turned out to be accomplished and respected professionals and wonderful parents. The Dictionary of Cultural Literacy played a role in our family's trajectory over the decades. In feeding bodies, bright young minds were feed - minds which flourished in college and professional school.

How did Mary Elizabeth and I go about it? At evening meals, I would read a word or phrase from those pages. Each child would define it and comment - youngest to oldest. There was some genuine excitement when a definition was correct. As the conversation continued, sometimes voices rose, particularly as one child could add a bit more to the topic. Ideas were exchanged. Curiosity was encouraged. Listening to each other emphasized.

The Machi dinner table was not round, but the conversing of ideas was as if the table was round. As I look at that beat up and soiled book in pieces, I think of every family in my care. I wish similar experiences for all.